New Beginnings

This blog has taken on many iterations. It started with specifically outlined projects in 2012, including and primarily functioning as an account of my 5 week solo backpacking trip from the summer before. Then it became a repository of my thoughts and feelings as I tried moving to Paris in 2013, and then moved back in 2014. A year ago, I briefly tried turning it into a travel blog, but that only lasted a handful of posts. Then I took a break while I tried to figure out my life and what I want.

I’m proud of this blog. Though I’ve been absolutely terrible at regularly posting, I always end up coming back to it. It reflects some of my many interests, and the fact that some topics and styles of blogging have worked better than others┬áhas helped me to hone in on what and how I like to write.

Now I am entering a new phase of my career and life. I am leaving my day job to start life as a writer and artist, in the simplest sense. I’ve decided to commit my time and energies to what I really want to do. I’m doing this in as responsible a way as I can without sacrificing the point of it (which means there’s a roof over my head and I can still pay for it, but there’s an easel and a writing desk under that roof and they take up most of the space).

I’m nervous. I’m nervous of letting myself down, of not accomplishing what I want to accomplish. I’m scared that in a year I won’t have anything to show for all my big talk.

But I’m also really excited. For the last two years I have job hopped, career-idea hopped, apartment hopped, even country hopped. I have been dogged by a perpetual sense of discontent, of searching, of feeling that there’s something else, that I’d rather be working for myself and┬ádoing something different. I just haven’t been able to pin down what that something else was.

Until a few weeks ago. One night, I had a conversation with my friend about how I’m not living the life I want to be living, how I’m not moving towards anything meaningful, how I’m selling my energy and time to jobs I don’t care about just to pay the rent. I realized how frustrated I was with being caught up in this dirty cycle, and I realized I was sick of it. The next day, my employer asked if I wanted to go full-time, as I had up to this point only been part-time. And I said no. And I realized I wasn’t freaking out about what that meant. And I knew it was perfect. This was my chance.

So I’m doing it. I’m creating the life I want to live. Because I only have one life, and I don’t want to waste it. I won’t surrender it to anyone.

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