Tangent of Determination

This has nothing to do with Project#1, which is coming along nicely, but here is a thought or nine.

Returning to a busy, productive, responsibility-filled life after 6 months of regeneration and free-time is tiring. Honestly, though, I find this exhaustion to be even more encouraging. I will make this work. I have filled my plate, positively heaped it with all kinds of things that I enjoy and that will make me a better writer and person. Academic vegetables, in a way. But all vegetables I love. And I am determined to do them well. This exhaustion which I find myself filled with spurs me on to do better, as I listen to my dishwasher roar, saving me a few precious minutes. Now, we’ll see what I’m saying after a few more weeks of this, but hopefully it will either be something of the same or it will all be more in my control. I think I am certainly capable of that. Either way, I’m finding myself driven by obstacles, whether I put them there or not. Maybe this is a manifestation of the innate stubbornness I inherited from my mother, who always spoke her mind (and butted heads with many, including myself) and always accomplished what she wanted or needed to be done. I am proud of this. And I think she would be, too. I will make this work.

Besides the obstacles of my own creation, which I thought, of course, would be more than enough, I’ve discovered that even more obstacles have been so kindly placed in my path. Not only have I piled myself with academics and this blog, but my determination to create an Italian minor, despite the rule at my university against Self-Created Minors, has been made an even more cumbersome task. A year ago, this would have been tens times what would have been enough to make me collapse with overwhelming helplessness, giving up before I’d even begun. Some obstacles, though, I’m choosing to see in a positive light: for example, my job as the Italian tutor being reduced to half the hours due to my being replaced while in Europe. I’m busy enough as it is, but I still get to attain the experience without it consuming too much time. Kharma being nice. Unfortunately, the one ally I had in the department when I left to study in Italy retired only weeks before my return, leaving me, like so many small European countries, ally-less and overwhelmed. Like the little Czech Republic, though, I will fight fight fight until I have my minor. I will diplomat my way through thick and thin, with the plan and brains to back me. It seems silly and unfortunate to me that a university which purports to help any student make anything possible (which they have accomplished in many cases) has made such a task so difficult. I’m sure this is preparing me for some future task which will prove even more difficult. So thank you, University, for providing me with the opportunity to flex my stubborn, goal-achieving, obstacle-overcoming muscles. And so I steel myself. This is only the beginning.


One thought on “Tangent of Determination

  1. So very proud…you sound just like your mom when she was faced with a challenge. You inherited that lovely stubborn gene..go C bear go!!!!!

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